Recently a reporter for Fox News asked me to weigh in on the question, “Why don’t men make an effort?”
The short answer is that we have stopped educating them. We have ceased imparting at an early age for men to value women as treasures and they no longer treat us as such. Women seem to tolerate and even accept lack luster treatment. The result is men have no reason to make an effort, because we have accepted their absence of chivalry.
I travel extensively and in other parts of the world, chivalry is alive and well. It has nothing to do with expecting sexual favors in return. As I write this I am in South America, a strong hold for chivalry and machismo.This week, several of my male friends took me out, picked me up, dropped me off and never let me pay. They opened all the doors. They relayed my order to waiters for me at restaurants, carried my luggage and reiterated to me that I am a princess and deserve to be treated as such. These men happen to be gay. They didn’t expect anything in return. It’s simply how they were educated to treat women in their company.
I agree the women’s movement in the US may have helped kill chivalry. One could argue that when we stood up and said, “We can do it,” we were punished by being treated not as equals but as men.
We could have had our cake and eaten it, but instead we burned our bras. We sent the wrong message. When coaching my male clients, I tell them open the door. I find that if I stand aside at doors and don’t move, men get the hint and open the door. We will only get respect when we demand it. Men if you would like to learn more contact my office for an appointment www.socialimage.com
Gestures say, “I respect and value you, even if you are a high powered executive that makes three times my salary. I am the man and it is my duty, my honor, my pleasure to take care of you at this moment. Men’s chief complaint is that women are so quick to open the door or whip out their credit card, they feel slightly stripped of their opportunities to shine in a woman’s company. Men like building and conquering things, weather it’s skyscrapers, industry or our affections.
Women have become bitter and untrusting because they aren’t treated well or dare I say taken care of. Women still warmly await Prince Charming. But how many frogs must we kiss? As much as it pains me, I don’t think men in America will ever get their sense of chivalry back unless we make a collective stand for it within our culture. It must be taught at home and in school. We need older men to set the example and coach the younger ones.
The decline in chivalry is our own fault, but if we want to reverse this social malady, it will take time and collective effort. I believe this ailment is reversible.